Today's Revelation

I was reading and praying today and this is what I journaled.

"I think I finally understand what it means when in the scriptures people began to praise God for being persecuted and were thankful for it. I believe it means they were thankful that Christ was so evident in their life and actions and that is why people hated them. They were thankful also that Christ was glorified through them.

It makes sense. If you don't have Christ, your heart is hard and cold. Those who are following Christ give out warmth with their kindness. Those who are bent on hating God or determined to do life on their own terms feel that pull of kindness begin to melt their heart, but it is felt as an affliction and threat. It goes against their self-seeking self-preservation.

Therefore a natural response is to bite the head off of the person who is kind and invites them into God's rest through their kindness.

So rejoice! God is working in and through you. It is the kindness of God that leads to repentance. Persevere and do not repay evil with evil. Pour heaping coals of kindness on their heads.

Lord give me strength. Comfort me. Guide me.
Make a way that you want me to go.
I am done doing it my way.
Over and over I surrender my way to you.
I want yours."

I keep reminding myself that I am here to serve and love people. Just as Christ, King of EVERYTHING, humbled himself and became human and laid down His life willingly. He came to serve others--not to be served.

I also keep remembering Hebrews 12 where it talks about for the joy set before Him, Christ endured the Cross, scorning its shame.

I just so happened in my reading yesterday in Matthew to end up on the Lord's supper, Christ's cruxifiction and resurrection. As I read about Jesus's betrayal, the words stuck out to me where Jesus said it had to be this way fulfilling the scriptures. Something in it made my heart sad in His betrayal, in that God chose it this way.

That is amazing to me.

We all have experienced some sort of betrayal, but for those who it has peirced so deeply the heart, there is something that screams out from within "Why would you choose this!! How horrible!" But Christ was so in love with the Father and trusted Him more than his feelings, desire, and comfort that He chose God's way. This amazes me.

I find that being here my thinking is on over-drive and I am left often to my thoughts. Many things I have finally begun to understand. Like a veil has been pulled of my eyes.

This is what God is doing in my life. Stripping everything away. Making me dependent on Him.

It is glorious and utterly frightening all at once.


It's About Time

I know I know. It has been long awaited for me to begin this blog. Here it is and I hope it will live up to your expectation. Internet here in Germany has been difficult for me. I don't have it in my house yet and so I have been using cafe's or my friend's computer....

Life in Germany...I have been here for 6 weeks now and I feel like I am finally adjusting to the schedule of my family and getting down how things should work. You would think it shouldn't be so difficult because the tasks are the same as the US, such as ironing, cooking, laundry, etc. However, they are not. I feel as if I am having to learn everything all over again like a child. But I can say I continuing to learn in abundance humility in this whole process.

I am a nanny for three kids ages 4, 6, and 9. They are all girls. My schedule is pretty simple and set forward. Wake up and have the table set for 6:30 in the morning. Yes I said 6:30 AM. Then get the girls ready for school. The eldest girl takes the train to Bergedorf at 7:10. The younger girls I get ready and the 6 year old, we do an english lesson for half an hour and then go to school at 8. I come home or go to my language class. I start up again picking the girls up at 12:30 or 1 o'clock depending on the day. Then we eat, have an English lesson with the eldest, and then whatever activity I have to take them to by BIKE or walk to the train. Yes I walk everywhere or ride a bike. I wasn't so keen on it at first, but now I am really beginning to enjoy it. It is exercise built into my day and I don't have to take time out for it! ..Anyways, we eat at 5:30 a typical German dinner of bread and butter, some kind of sandwhich meat, and cheese. Everything we buy in our house is high quality and very fresh. I really like it...The girls go to bed around 6:30 and the oldest at 8. Then I am done for the day and have my weekends off. I also have one day of the week off minus mornings, and a partial afternoon off.....This is my schedule and it doesn't really change much.

On the weekends I spend by myself or at my one friends house who is an au pair in the town next to me. We met at language class (sprachcourse). My life is kind of boring at this point in time. Well, maybe not boring, but rather lonely. I don't know a lot of people so it is hard finding something to do. I have been reading and writing a lot and I have rather enjoyed it. I am not fluent in German and so it is a bit difficult trying to meet people who can't really understand you or don't want to try. I have met some people at my friend's house because they have older kids and it is party central at their massive house. Many of the people spoke English, but they are around 18 years old and after awhile I find I don't have much to talk to them about.

I have gone shopping downtown in Hamburg and I have planned a trip to London in May. My friend and I are going for 9 days, mostly in London and surrounding areas, and a day in Edinburgh and a day in York. I am very excited about this trip. I felt very grown up in booking these trips all by ourselves. That is one thing I definately have felt with the move to Germany and being here--grown up. Adult. I am 22 years old and the last four years I have spent feeling undeserving of the title grown up, adult. I felt like an imposter. I don't anymore.

I am finished writting for now. I will post pictures later and some of my journalings. They are much more insightful than this moment.

I hope this finds you well.